There is nothing new about conflicts between parents and teens. Whether it’s curfew, cell phones, or even friends, conflicts are inevitable. Managing teen and parent problems and using the right strategies can make all the difference.
Some Common Parent Teenager Problems
There are a variety of reasons for problems between teenagers and their parents, since each situation is unique. There are, however, a few common areas of conflict between teens and parents.
Teenagers are striving to become independent in whatever way they can. Whether it’s fashion or activities, teens want to be in control of their lives. It’s not uncommon for teens to face this problem since they are trying to learn how to be an adult without parental supervision. Keeping your child safe while letting them make choices is like walking a tightrope all the time.
If you lean too far one way or the other, you will lose. Talk with teens and try to understand why they choose the music, clothes, or activities they do. Allow teens to express themselves in safe ways, such as dying their hair blue or starting a garage band, while still setting limits.
Teenagers are ready to prove their independence along with asserting their independence. Adolescents are always ready to argue, whether they’re told they can’t go out today or that they need to do their homework. It is not only their desire to discuss a perceived injustice, but also their feeling that their parents do not trust them.
You should listen to your teenager rather than argue with him or her. Consider the point that teens are trying to make in a calm voice and work to compromise instead of arguing.
Lack of Communication
Often, parents and teens seem to be on two different planets or speaking two different languages. It’s like you don’t even listen to me,” or “you don’t understand,” are phrases that parents hear over and over again. Teenagers don’t feel their parents listen to them or understand their feelings.
In order to navigate the murky waters of communication, it’s important to listen to teens. Make general conversation with them rather than asking them questions. The importance of validating their feelings cannot be overstated. You should listen to the reason they want to attend that party or broke their curfew rather than just saying, “no.”.
Teenagers need boundaries to grow up healthy and happy. Teenagers, however, are testing their limits. Wading through murky waters of the adult world, they are trying to push their boundaries. It is important for them to know if their parents trust them and what their limits are.
It’s important for parents to talk to their children about setting realistic boundaries rather than setting unrealistic ones. It is important to enforce these boundaries consistently, such as curfews and cell phone use. However, if rules are broken, you need to listen and understand why they were broken and modify the consequences accordingly.
Keeping Emotions in Check
The importance of emotional management is not just for teens, but for parents as well. Teenagers are excellent button pushers. Even if your teenager isn’t calm, you need to remain calm. It’s important to remember that teens are growing and changing, and emotional control is not fully developed.
In order for your teen to remain calm, you must remain calm as well. The best thing you can do instead of arguing and letting your emotions get the best of you is to take five minutes and calm yourself down.
It is inevitable that teens will experiment. Risky behavior can lead to injury or addiction, whether it’s driving fast or experimenting with drugs. Stress, boredom, asserting independence, and curiosity can all lead to this behavior. It is important to keep this in check, however.
It has been noted in psychology today that teens should not experiment because it is not healthy or normal for them to do so. Not only is it important to talk with teens about risky behaviors and the consequences they may have, but you should also watch out for any signs of addiction that may occur.
When you are a parent, you want your teen to be able to perform at their best. The stakes of perfection in grades, sports, behavior, etc., can, however, be dangerous for teens, according to Dr. Jessica Naecker, a clinical psychologist. Even though you want your children to do their best in school, parents should be able to understand when their child is trying and praise the effort rather than the grade.
When your child is trying to complete chores or studying for a test, for example, praise the efforts he or she is making. In spite of the fact that the chore might not have been done perfectly or the grade may not have been an A, understanding and appreciating their efforts is extremely important.
The Right or Wrong Crowd
Teenagers and their parents can have difficulty dealing with the subject of friends at times. There is a lot of pressure on parents to ensure that their children hang out with the right kind of crowd. However, teens want to be able to make their own choices when it comes to choosing friends.
Even though hanging out with the wrong crowd can be troubling, parents need to keep in mind that it’s more important to focus on their teenager’s behavior than it is on his or her friends’ behavior. Be sure to set clear boundaries for your teenager, and be confident that he or she will make good choices in the future. Ensure that your teenager is able to navigate through friendships that might be toxic to him or her in a calm, loving way.
Resolving Problems Between Teens and Parents
It is important to note that not all problems or tactics will be the same. The good news is that there are some general tips that you can use to resolve problems with teens that may arise.
- Take the time to listen to what they have to say. Whether it is about friendships, relationships, or broken rules, it’s important that you give them a chance to explain themselves and make sure they understand the consequences of their actions.
- You should trust the decisions that they make. Teenagers place a great deal of importance on trust. It is very important to them that you see that they are making good choices and that you approve of them. To be able to do that, you need to be able to trust them in the first place.
- It is important to know the difference between healthy and unhealthy behaviors. Despite the fact that you might not like it, getting a piercing or dying their hair black is not going to harm them in any way. It is important that they are allowed to express themselves in a healthy manner.
- Rather than commanding, compromise should be the goal. Teenagers need to know that they have a voice that is heard, and that they have a chance to be involved in the decisions that affect them. It is important to work together when it comes to punishments in order to ensure that they are fair. Discuss actions and consequences with them so that they will be able to understand why a particular behavior is harmful to them.
- In order to promote positive behavior, it is important to promote it. When it comes to teens, it can be easy to get caught up in their negative behavior and forget to complement the positive behavior you would like to see. Rather than focusing only on the times when a child doesn’t complete chores, try to emphasize the times when they do so. Rather than focusing on the one D on a teenager’s report card, compliment them on the four As they received on their report card.
- Keep your firmness, but do not become impenetrable. As a parent, you need to make sure that you are firm, but not too firm, as this may cause a teenager to rebel even more than they already are.
- Take time out of your busy schedules to spend time with each other. Schedule a time when you can just sit down and talk to each other. It doesn’t matter if it’s taking a walk, playing a game, watching a movie, or having dinner with your family.
What To Do If You Can’t Resolve Your Issues
The problems teens and parents face sometimes become so big that you are not able to handle them on your own. In order to prevent teens from getting out of control, it is important to know where to look for signs.
- Make an appointment with your child’s pediatrician if you have any concerns. Perhaps there is something mentally, emotionally, or behaviorally wrong with your child that needs to be addressed. If you are unsure of what to do, a pediatrician can point you in the right direction.
- Consult a therapist who specializes in working with children and families. There are professionals who can assist you and your child in working together in order to bridge the communication gap that may be present. Additionally, they also offer coping tips that you and your spouse can use to help each other cope.
- Find a support group that you can join. A parenting group can make it easier for you and your teen to learn how to work together in a positive way.
The Disconnect Between Teens and Parents
Most of the time, parents and teens are on different planes when it comes to communication. In spite of the fact that most parents were once teenagers, they have forgotten many of the stressors and experiences that their teen might be going through today. It is also important to note that teens are unable to understand why their parents make certain choices because they have not reached that level of development.
It is therefore possible to run into a number of different problems as a result. It is possible to bridge the gap between parents and teens with a little patience and a bit of luck, provided that both parties have a bit of patience.